DonnaHae;PWNAGE

MOVING..

2008-10-27T18:30:00.001+09:00

YES, AGAIN.
WILL NOT BE BLOGGING HERE ANYMORE.
MOVED TO:
http://donnahae-pwnage.blogspot.com - public
http://donnahae.livejournal.com - private

see you there~ ;D

you just don't know..

2008-10-10T20:21:00.002+09:00

사랑해요.. 하지만..
넌 몰라.

네가 정말 피근해..
진짜로..

난 및었어.

who am I?

2008-10-02T20:05:00.001+09:00

Who am I to stop you..
nobody.
so just walk...
I knew it would happen sooner or later.

stupid.. stupid..

2008-09-23T20:47:00.001+09:00

from my LJ:

this is a stupid entry.
seriously stupid.
because I dunno what good it'll do even if I do private it.
and keep it to myself.
hahaha.
Anyway, blogs are supposed to be private right?
and, anyway no one checks my LJ.

I dunno what's happening to my life.
I failed 2 subjects last term. and I didn't even feel a hint of guilt.
I know its wrong, but I think I deserve it.

This term, I'm going to do my best.
Yeah right huh? I always say this crap when I don't even try and do anything.
Actually, I'm just trying to be more responsible.
Right now, I'm reading Durkheim for a paper due on tuesday.
I want to do better, really.

Thesis is another factor.
I'll be getting the famous Dr. Hila to be my mentor.
wow. expectation much and not to mention pressure. hahaha.

Sigh. SJUPH.
Yes, its fun. its fulfilling.
but.. I don't know.
I feel crazy for doing this.
for starting this.
for pushing for this.
am I doing the right thing???

Man, is this all worth it?
what am I doing with my life?
am I going to earn something for doing all this shit?

Future?
Law School?
Korea?

Do you still have that drive to see Lee DongHae?
I don't think so...
You want to see him, but not now.
You still want him to be significant to your life.
I know.
I understand.
Don't worry, that day will come.

wanna run away with me?

2008-09-17T13:22:00.002+09:00

this is what I'll do in the mean time.
run away
its the one thing I'm good at.

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

its actually okay.
being alone once in a while.
or... being in solitude for over months now.
no one knows the pain.
because no one asks.
no one cares.

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

you hear no lies.
no excuses.
no escape.
even for myself.

I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come

if I ask you, would you?
I want to be at least with you when I run away.
I know I've been eluding you.
because I don't know how to face you.

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

On sunday, when we finally cross paths again.
would you finally recognize me?
would you smile at me like you once did?
would you hold my hand?
would you hug me like when you comforted me before?

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

will you talk to me with the tender tone you once used?
would you kiss me under the rain just like how I would think it would happen?
would you take another chance at love with me?

I doubt you will
and if you did, I've learned my lesson.

Fragile? Versatile?

2008-09-02T18:36:00.004+09:00

I am invisible.
Irrelevant.
Crazy.
Weird.
Psychotic.
Suicidal.
Stupid.

I am Cheerful.
Fun-loving.
Bouncy.
Friendly.
Studious.
Nice.
Naughty.

Who am I?
am I just versatile?
or do I try too hard?

Do you like me?
I know you don't.
you think I'm annoying.
A girl who can't make up her mind.
a girl who doesn't know how to decide for herself.
you think you know everything huh?
when every step you make takes you deeper in that shithole you got yourself into.
You think its fun to be me.
you think its so interesting.
you think its amazing.

My life is SHIT.
my life is... pathetic.
I live in such a pathetic world
where I have to bear with people who doesn't even know.
who doesn't understand.

hahaha. Is this a mood swing?
no.
this is me.
If you know me, then you'll understand.
if you don't understand, don't ask.
you never will.

I've been living for someone else.
when should I start living for myself?

wouldn't it be nice?

2008-08-31T22:17:00.002+09:00

wouldn't it be nice to be happy?
I am NOT happy. nor am I amused.
I am not pissed. nor sad.
I am emotionless.
pfft. it would be nice to be happy..
but I'm terribly sick right now I'm not even in the mood to mingle or to talk to anyone at all.
sigh.
I should really kill my cousin for getting me sick.
=____=
I hate this week.
and for sure, I'll fail 2 classes this term.
I won't even get to see my other grades except online I bet.
I HATE BEING SICK!

walking in the dark

2008-08-21T00:26:00.002+09:00

it feels like walking in the dark.
and I can't see where I'm going.
I'm trying to hold on.
I'm trying to grasp you. look for you.
but I end up tripping and falling.
I expect you to help me up...
but instead, jiyong comes in and opens the light.
he helps me up and mends my wound.

I want to hold you.
I want to see you.
I want to love you again.
but what am I to do?
when I can only wait for you to return?

I can't call out to you.
I can't beg for you to return.
you don't even know me.
you don't even know what you do to me.

I don't want to cry.
but what am I to do?
it still feels like walking in the dark.
if I open the light on my own, will you be there?
If I open the door, will you stand there?

Only Look at Me

2008-08-20T11:49:00.005+09:00

Seriously addicted.
and its scary.
but I love TaeYang's 나만 바라봐
hahaha.
I also like GD's version but its so angsty.

나만 바라봐

하루에도 몇 번씩 널 보며 웃어 난
수 백 번 말했잖아 You're the love of my life
거짓된 세상 속 불안한 내 맘속
오직 나 믿는 건 너 하나 뿐이라고
가끔 내 맘 변할까 봐 불안해할 때면
웃으며 말했잖아 그럴 일 없다고
끝없는 방황 속 텅 빈 내 가슴속
내가 기댈 곳은 너 하나뿐 이지만
가끔씩 흔들리는 내 자신이 미워
오늘도 난 이세상에 휩쓸려 살며시 널 지워

내가 바람 펴도 너는 절대 피지마 Baby
나는 너를 잊어도 넌 나를 잊지마 Lady
가끔 내가 연락이 없고 술을 마셔도
혹시 내가 다른 어떤 여자와
잠시 눈을 맞춰도 넌 나만 바라봐

오늘밤도 지새며 날 기다렸다고
눈물로 내게 말해 변한 것 같다고
널 향한 내 맘도 처음과 같다고
수없이 달래며 지내온 많은 밤들
니가 없이는 난 너무 힘들 것 같지만
때론 너로 인해 숨이 막혀 난
끝없는 다툼 속 기나긴 한숨 속
니가 기댈 곳은 나 하나뿐 이지만

니가 귀찮아지는 내 자신이 미워
오늘도 난 웃으며 나도 몰래 자신을 잃어

내가 바람 펴도 너는 절대 피지마 Baby
나는 너를 잊어도 넌 나를 잊지마 Lady
가끔 내가 연락이 없고 술을 마셔도
혹시 내가 다른 어떤 여자와
잠시 눈을 맞춰도 넌 나만 바라봐

내가 이기적이란 걸 난 너무 잘 알아
난 매일 무의미한 시간 속에
이렇게 더럽혀지지만 BABY
너만은 언제나 순수하게 남길 바래
이게 내 진심인걸 널 향한 믿음인걸
죽어도 날 떠나지마

내가 바람 펴도 너는 절대 피지마 Baby
나는 너를 잊어도 넌 나를 잊지마 Lady
가끔 내가 연락이 없고 술을 마셔도
혹시 내가 다른 어떤 여자와
잠시 눈을 맞춰도 넌 나만 바라봐

Momentary Insanity

2008-08-14T23:25:00.002+09:00

I think I went insane the last time.
sigh.

I feel so confused lately.
my heart is wavering.
it sounds bad doesn't it?
I think I'm falling out of love with DongHae.
and I'm scared.

I'm scared of this change.
I know it would happen sooner or later
but I didn't want it to be this soon.
GAWD.
Or maybe I'm just being insane again.
JiYong's taking all of me right now.
well, coz he's really visible lately.
With the comeback and the MV and the album.
and DongHae..
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE HELL HE IS.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING ME HAPPY.

And to my special someone,
I know you might be mad or disappointed at me right now.
I just wanna say I'm sorry.
I'm sure you know I didn't mean that.
My emotions took control of me.
I was hurt.
I was tired.

I sure do hope you understand.
I'm sorry love.
Forgive me?

there it goes... AGAIN.

2008-08-12T01:35:00.003+09:00

yes, AGAIN.
and I'm fucking tired of this shit happening.
if they wanna fight, then I won't care anymore.
if they wanna split up, I don't fucking care.
They're adults. they know what the fuck they're fucking doing with their lives.
I hate how they do that all the time.
Don't they know they have kids?
and they have a kid who fucking didn't want to be in this position?
who fucking didn't ask for any of these.

I just wanna be heard.
I just want to be loved.
I don't want this. I never asked for it.
if HE really exist. if HE really loves us?
why does HE give us shit?

and this is why my faith is destroyed.
plus the fucking fact that I might die any second.
thanks. if you're really there.
THANKS FOR FUCKING CARING.

why don't I just slit my throat.
and get it over with eh?

disappointed

2008-08-07T22:19:00.002+09:00

Once again, you never fail to disappoint me.
hahaha.
this happened not so long ago too.
And yet, you disappoint me again.
Yes, this is, yet again, shallow. forgive me for that.
But yes, I am disappointed with you.

Maybe I should just really stop.
because if I don't stop myself.
I'll end up getting mad at you.
and I don't want that.
I hope you don't too.

I don't know why you're doing this.
but I hope you'll realize how I feel again.
I hope you'll know.
No, I'm not telling anyone about this again.
Nevermind, I'm done playing games..
Figure it out for yourself.

Jane is LOVE

2008-08-04T13:33:00.001+09:00

DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
yeahh I would gladly die if I get to meet hae
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahahahaha~ xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
really. XDD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
lol. you cant die yet D:
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hae will cry~
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
and your baby hae will be momless
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
awwwwe~ X3
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
that made me seriously smile.
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahaha xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
lol. our baby hae.. X3
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
lol
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
that sounds cute xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
awwwwe~ I'm giggling. DDDDD:
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
this will definitely go on my blog. XDDDD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahahahah xD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
O:
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
i will be laughing at myself
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
lol
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
hahahaha~! I laugh at myself too.
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahahaha xD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
it's just fun 'o'
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
yeahhh~ waaaaah! omg. I really want a baby hae. hhahaha. if I get pregnant I'll stare at donghae's picture.
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAH~
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
wtf man xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
I wish when he goes out, he'll look like hae.
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
yes *-*
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
hahaha.
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
that baby hae thing made my night
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
lol
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
sexy baby hae xD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
i can see it now *-*
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
flirtatious 5 year old
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahaha
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
woot! XD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
if only I can flirt with my kid. XD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
LMAO xD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
that would be so wrong
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
I KNOW!
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
hahahaha
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahaha xD
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
if baby hae was flirting at 5. I'mma hit donghae twice XD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahaha xD
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
because donghae was probably flirting at 5 too? xp
DonnaHae;PWNAGE :: THESIS says:
nope. he's a wimp.
13 // s o r a ★ vampire of the toilet says:
hahahaha xD

weeee~
I love SORA~!

pretending..

2008-07-30T00:56:00.003+09:00

Funny how we think we're loved.
when in fact, we're all alone.
We try to feel safe..
when in fact, our lives are in constant danger.
We try to be happy..
when in fact, we're crushed to death.
We say we're satisfied..
when in fact, you're in constant need of something unexplainable.
We try to be important
when in fact, we don't matter.
We try to be intellectual and smart.
when we're really blithering idiots in the world.

funny how we pretend that everything's okay...
when in fact, everything's going down the drain.

Hurt..

2008-07-27T21:55:00.003+09:00

guy: gasp, im falling for my blockmate

when he told me.. I was devastated.
well, not really.
I didn't expect anything anymore.

but this was all I can reply.

Donna: awwwe~

He's currently telling me about it. And I don't want to be hurt but I won't lie about it. I am hurt. Its not that I don't want him to be happy, let alone, fall in love. But...

My heart is unfair.
He's unfair.
Everything's unfair.

guy: its april....
guy: you know her....
guy: hahaha
Donna: yep. you told me.
Donna: hay.. I don't want to fall in love anymore.

My final solution.
but that's not possible is it?
if I don't fall in love, then I'm dead.
I want to fall in love..

just not with the wrong guy anymore.

forgotten?

2008-07-26T19:57:00.002+09:00

You always say, you're forgotten. But you never dare to ask if its real or even why. YOU accused people of forgetting you because you don't know trust.

TRUST. Its what keeps friendship alive and real. I trusted you. Friends do not need constant reminding that you're friends. I should know. I have lots of friends like those.

You wanna know why I made that blog entry about Love FTI? I'll tell you why. Because I miss my old life. I miss my friends in the US. They remind me of my real home. That's why. And don't think too highly of yourself. You don't know anything.

You wanna know why I went on a 2-week hiatus? Because I got mad and jealous. Plus I was fucking dying. That's why. My heart was fucking failing on me because I decided not to go back when I needed to. Because I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to loose you. I fucking left because my health needed attention and I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I don't want your pity.

Now, it doesn't matter anymore does it?
I'm not mad.
I'm just frustrated.
Because I can't get through your pride and stupidity.
I thought you actually understood me.
Hahahaha.
I assumed too much.

And so you know, I never liked YehSung.
never did and never will.

You disappoint me. Both of you.
You even agreed to meet with me recently.
You should have just stabbed me in the front instead of the back.
That way, I would have understood.
But now, I see that you're just like her.

Thanks.
For making me realize
and for making me see,
that I should NEVER trust people again.

remember..

2008-07-23T20:16:00.000+09:00

기억하고
싶지 않다는건

기억하고
있다는 거잖아요.

What is...

2008-07-23T00:42:00.000+09:00

What is...
love? hope? redemption? ignorance? friendship? trust? faith? regret?

Yeah, you might tell me, go check the dictionary doofus. but can you really define an emotion so technical? I ask these questions not because I want answers or I don't know the answers. I ask them because do we people really know what it feels like? Do we really know what these words mean?

I don't. I haven't completely felt it yet. have you? of course you don't want to but you have to. hahaha. does it seem easy for me to talk about this subject? It does doesn't it? Do I want to talk about this topic?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

last question.

how about numb? do you know what it means?


Main Entry: numb
Pronunciation: \ˈnəm\
Function: adjective

that's numb for you.

so what does that become of indifferent?

hahaha.

2008-07-22T10:41:00.000+09:00

funny really.
I dunno what to say.
just. wow.
life changing.
ahahaha.
I dunno how to feel.
hahaha

......

still, XDDDD
I'm just going to laugh.

The EVAN and ISAK experience

2008-07-08T14:43:00.000+09:00

mood: tired and sleepy
Listening to: Suju's incoherent babblings

I still have the Pops in Seoul in Manila hangover seriously. gah. I feel so happy and tired, still. Yesterday I only had 2 classes and I got to leave early on the second class to hang with Ekah, May and Mommy Chi but still very tired. =___=

I guess it really is the PIS hangover. hahaha. Since eleven asked me to post the pics of me with Evan, I'll do that with the story that goes along with the picture. I'll also post isak's pic with me. love love~

lalala~ pic with isak is love~ this was the second time I asked for her autographs. yes, with an S. lol. I asked her to sign 5 for me for a couple of friends then we took pics~ lol. the first time I asked for her autograph was funny. We had the chance to ask for autographs and she was signing a bunch of papers then said they were for us. But I asked her to sign my shirt instead and she laughed but she did sign it. I also asked her to write my name. ahahaha. I was the first one who did. Isak is <333~

EVAN! wah. wah! I died! I was in line waiting for evan by the bus but I went back to Isak to get those 5 autographs and when I came back, I was just on time! Nixxie was getting hers signed. And then, it was my turn! he signed my shirt and I asked if we can take a pic together and we did!!!! Then I made the peace sign and he laughed then made one too~ so there, he's smiling and he has the peace sign up~ <333 love love~~~ I love love Nixxie for the picture~

yes, hangover.
now I shall do my thesis proposal. x___x;;

more pictures on my multiply account. ^^

Pops In Seoul; The EXPERIENCE

2008-07-05T21:59:00.000+09:00

Mood: Happy but tired
Listening to: Sukira XD

Wah. OMG PIS. ALOT happened.

Arrived there at 10 AM because it was assembly time for the ushers. and I'm an usher. yeah. Luckily Nixxie was there so I know someone. So, Nixxie and I were together most of the time. Fixing tables and chairs and posters.

When we had lunch, OMFG, Isak and Evan came in the venue. and we all went out and spazzed like omfg. wah wah. We even heard and watched their rehearsals. ROFL. I took pics. 8D I'm super super happy.

The event was tiring but it was fulfilling. Having access like that. talking to Isak and taking pics of Evan. omg. It felt soooo nice. I loved it.

The after event was kewl. We shot the last part of the episode for the pops in seoul show. Then we had an autograph session with Isak then with Evan. OMFG I feel so lucky coz I was the first one who asked for isak's autograph on my shirt. I even asked her to write my name. XDD then everyone followed. roflmao. Then we also asked autographs from Evan who we even waited for at the bus. But I got to take pics with the both of them *0*

wah wah wah! Summary of events but yeah those are my best parts sa event.

2 days

2008-07-03T09:52:00.000+09:00

Mood: Sleepy
Listening to: InHyung - Eeteuk & YehSung

So, apparently, I'm in school early with no first class. Yeah, great. This is just awesome.

Anyway, I haven't had much sleep. I've been watching My MVP Valentine c/o Ekah. hahaha. I miss the series badly so I borrowed it from her, even if it is tagalog dubbed. I'll manage. roflmao. Gah. I seriously need sleep. Maybe after PIS I can sleep the whole day. =___=

Gah. I dunno what to rant about. or maybe I dunno where to start. Pops in Seoul event in 2 days. I dunno if I'm excited or if I'm nervous. Somewhere in between that's for sure. I've been spending alot for the event and doing lots for it too. Thanks to CassPH and ArirangTownPH for making our dreams happen. I never even dreamed of seeing Evan Yoo.

Sigh. Stress. eating me. People are noticing that I'm getting thin. and my eyebags grew eyebags. =___= thesis and PIS are not good combinations.

I wanna sleep.
I'mma sleep later during lunch break. =___=

and, red days started.
tss.
life sucks.

MASH!

2008-06-30T22:14:00.000+09:00

the cutest thing ever.. XDD and amazingly almost true.



		I will marry DongHae.
		After a wild honeymoon, We will settle down in Bora Bora in our fabulous House.
		We will have 5 kid(s) together.
		Our family will zoom around in a Orange Toyota Camry.
		I will spend my days as a Lawyer, and live happily ever after.

am I ready?

2008-06-24T22:13:00.000+09:00

Listening to: Promise You - Anyband
mood: nervous

I feel crazy.

I invited him to the Pops in Seoul event on July 5.
Stupid right?

Man. I feel so stupidly insane today. Maybe its because of the Love Letter episode earlier.
Anyway...

I know he knows alot about me. He knows I fangirl and he appreciates everything I do. But then, I'm afraid to show him this side of me. What am I afraid of? I don't know. His judgment maybe. His thoughts. His opinion.

I'm afraid and I dont even know why.

I think about him more than what I think.
is that a bad thing?
I think it is.

Damn. and I told myself I won't fall in love.

SJH + SJM... ONLY 13

2008-06-13T20:24:00.000+09:00

listening to: 사랑... 그개 문대? - 양파
mood: bored and opinionated

its my turn to speak so STFU. I don't care if you think I'm an anti fan or people who support only 13 or whatever is BS. If you're reading this and is hating it already, just close down the window and do something else. I'm supporting Super Junior because I love them. I don't care what the crap you think. Don't hate me coz I say what I want.

I know that there is this silent issue about SJH and the REAL reason why it was formed. With LSM, I'm not really surprised that much. I was actually expecting something like this. I'm not saying that music in Korea is now a propaganda movement but its so... commercialized. Well, not all maybe but when you're hooked with SME artists, you'll see.

I'm a SME Whore. Yes. I love each group/singer that SME has ever come up with. HOT, BoA, SES, The Trax, FTTS, ShinHwa, DBSG, CSJH, SuJu, SNSD, Shinee, Ri-In, you name it, I got addicted. And as much as I hate it, LSM's a genius in this playing field. He really is out to conquer the Asian market with BoA and DBSG holding the Japan market, Ri-In and Suju-M conquering the China Market, SNSD soon to conquer the Thai market and Suju-H with SNSD and Shinee conquering the Korean market.

But I'm not here to talk about SME in general. I'm here to talk about Super Junior's Subgroups and my personal opinion about these things..

Suju's subgroups started with KRY (Kyuhyun, Ryeowook and Yehsung). It was created for the RnB-Ballad tunes for Hyena OST. They were created for a specific market which were the ballad lovers. And they were a big hit, mind you. They got to contribute more songs in Snowflower OST and during the 2007 Winter Album as well.

The second Subgroup is Suju-T which consists of EeTeuk, HeeChul, KangIn, ShinDong, SungMin and EunHyuk. They were created after the 2007 MKMF awards during the Don't Go Away performance where HeeChul made his comeback. Their performance was a hit, everyone loved it. So did I. Of course, with the rising popularity, LSM took the opportunity and created the subgroup for more income. They were a big hit with their single consisting of 3 songs. 1 original and 2 remakes. Rokugo, the title song, was a brilliant hit. Trot and yet, it was for the kids. Not only that Super Junior innovated the old music style, they helped the young people appreciate trot.

The third and the MOST controversial subgroup so far is SuJu-M which stands for Mandarin. Members are HanKyung, SiWon, DongHae, KyuHyun, RyeoWook and 2 new chinese members, ZhouMi and Henry. This subgroups was created for the China market which is succeeding by the way. Even if Korean and Chinese ELFs are protesting and "boycotting" this subgroup they are majorly successful with their aim: to conquer China.

The last subgroup, so far, Suju-H or Super Junior - Happy. Members are, Suju-T members minus HeeChul then add YehSung. I seriously have no explanation on why Suju-H happened or why it was created. All I know is, they're having their 15 minutes to fame right now. With their hit song, Cooking? Cooking! they're becoming popular in Korea once again.

Questions in my head?
Why was Super Junior - H created? Why did they remove HeeChul from the group and add YehSung instead? Was it really because he's busy with acting and such? Is it true what some ELFs say that SuJu-H was created to "hush up" the controversy with Suju-M and the addition of new members?

My answer: I don't know.

But I have an idea.

I believe that SuJu-H was created to hush up the ELFs' protests. Sounds kinda bad right? But its the clear truth. ELF fans are somewhat childish, we can see that. But some of them aren't that stupid. Some of them actually use their heads with this issue. Suju-M has alot of controversy in their hands. I respect and love Henry and ZhouMi, you guys know that. But, Suju-H acting as cover up is too much. I love Suju-H's music, I just don't like how their being used by SME. Its sad that HeeChul isn't part of Suju-H. I love HeeChul and if he was there, then it would have been more fun. Its even more sad that KiBum doesn't want to be part of a subgroup.

I don't like how SME can play with Super Junior.

I know Super Junior is a big liability of SME. Feeding, sheltering, clothing, travels for these 13 boys are HELLA EXPESIVE. that's why SME placed them in such a versatile position. Where they can be experimented. That's why they're still a project group. Seriously, I've been thinking about what side I'm on. Coz I think I need to pick a side. For Super Junior's sake. and I've decided to support Super Junior. and only Super Junior. I loved them as they are and I will love them as long as they're together.

Long blog post eh? XD
I never thought fangirling can get this complicated.

falling stars

2008-06-11T20:54:00.000+09:00

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away...

Falling stars.
Are there such things?
Stars.
Unreachable.
My love for DongHae.
unreachable.
impossible.
one sided love.
happy? sad?
how about bipolar-ism?
someone take me out of my misery.
can someone help me get mad at DongHae?

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day...

I MISS...

2008-06-10T22:53:00.000+09:00

Mood: tired =___=
Listening to: Zhen Yang - 5566

Yes, I'm listening to 5566. again. Coz I only got to download their album on ShinDong the laptop lately and now, Angel Teuk the ipod nano vid has their songs already. XD maybe next time I'd put videos of 5566 and K-One too. XD

I am so missing my Cpop days. I mean, those first few years were so carefree and I was so young then. Actually, I was one of the youngest ones. Now, I'm so not. hahaha. I've gotten used to being the baby. Now, I have my own children. (lol XD)

I miss spazzing over Tony Sun and LiYang. I miss liking 7F when I hated them in reality. hahaha. I miss being young.

Ah..

So this is what you do once you reach 18.

Hahahaha.

But hey, I'm always 5 at heart. rofl.

DonnaHae;PWNED

sunshine

2008-06-07T12:10:00.000+09:00

Mood: Sleepy =__=
Listening to: One Love - Eunhyuk + KRY

Yesterday was, so far, the best I've ever had. Cherilyn and I finally met. We watched Sex and the City which was uber hilarious. I swear on the day you were born! hahaha. that cracked us up so bad. But it was so nice I loved the movie. But of course we had dinner first. We ate at Dulcinea and she gave me a gift which was far better than I expected. And I love her for it.
I seriously missed Cherilyn. I was telling her to come back to school yesterday coz I don't have anyone to rant and talk to. >< its so difficult.
Anyway, I had a better day. thank goodness.
Hey, its the sunshine after the rain right?

DonnaHae;PWNED.

I feel tired.

2008-06-05T22:57:00.000+09:00

this is what I like about a blog. a real blog. I don't need to talk to anyone. I don't need to look for someone who's gonna care. hell, I don't care if you don't care. deal with it.

I really do feel tired. I mean, I try to be the best daughter, the best student, the best leader and the best mother. I try to be wonderwoman when I actually need my own hero in my life.

I feel like I'm falling in a bottomless pit... I can't feel the ground anymore. like walking on air where everything is just so messed up.

I just want to show someone that I treasure him. that I love him. and yet, he rejects that.

Now I feel bad.
I try to be the best.
but I guess, I'm just a failure.

You don't deserve me as your mother. I'm such a horrible person for you to treat me as your mother. It might hurt, but... I resign.

Might as well be friends.

2008-06-05T22:28:00.001+09:00

Mood: confused. :/
Listening to: the television.

Yesterday, we had lunch. and I have to admit I absolutely missed him. EVERYTHING about him. We talked like there wasn't any tomorrow. He kept on complimenting me. On how I presented myself to him. He said I look healthier. I look blooming. that I look better. I love how he compliments me coz he makes me feel so appreciated. and he never fails to make me feel that.

This is what I was exactly avoiding. falling in love all over again... I don't mean to. I don't want to. But, it just happened. He's nice to me. He always is. He appreciates me. But, I know he can't feel way I feel. Not right now. Maybe, not ever.

He loves someone else. I can see it in his eyes. Specially when we were talking about her. I can see clearly. He still loves her. No matter how stupid it might seem, I can see it. I don't have any right to get mad. I don't have the right to be jealous.

This is why I don't wanna fall in love. In the end, I'm the one who's going to get hurt. In the end, I'm the one who's going to loose him. and I don't want that to happen. I don't plan to.

I love him being a part of my life. Of getting to know the real me. I'm not shy to tell him everything. I love to tell him, I love talking to him. He understands so much of me. He appreciates so much of me.

But, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to fall for him. I'm afraid to loose him. I'm just... afraid.

I don't want it to be the JR Ang story all over again.

I love the way we are right now. But, sometimes, I want more that that.

sigh.

Might as well be friends.

New Blog... AGAIN

2008-06-05T21:29:00.000+09:00

Mood: pissed & tired
Listening to: A whole new world - Aladdin

Sigh. yes new blog people. AGAIN. you know me. I like to constantly move. Changing is natural isn't it? so yeah, here I am. AGAIN.

gonna post a decent blog soon, hopefully.
right now. I just want to fill the space. ;]

see me soon~ XD