Funny how we think we're loved.
when in fact, we're all alone.
We try to feel safe..
when in fact, our lives are in constant danger.
We try to be happy..
when in fact, we're crushed to death.
We say we're satisfied..
when in fact, you're in constant need of something unexplainable.
We try to be important
when in fact, we don't matter.
We try to be intellectual and smart.
when we're really blithering idiots in the world.


funny how we pretend that everything's okay...
when in fact, everything's going down the drain.

guy: gasp, im falling for my blockmate

when he told me.. I was devastated.
well, not really.
I didn't expect anything anymore.

but this was all I can reply.

Donna: awwwe~

He's currently telling me about it. And I don't want to be hurt but I won't lie about it. I am hurt. Its not that I don't want him to be happy, let alone, fall in love. But...

My heart is unfair.
He's unfair.
Everything's unfair.

guy: its april....
guy: you know her....
guy: hahaha
Donna: yep. you told me.
Donna: hay.. I don't want to fall in love anymore.

My final solution.
but that's not possible is it?
if I don't fall in love, then I'm dead.
I want to fall in love..


just not with the wrong guy anymore.

You always say, you're forgotten. But you never dare to ask if its real or even why. YOU accused people of forgetting you because you don't know trust.

TRUST. Its what keeps friendship alive and real. I trusted you. Friends do not need constant reminding that you're friends. I should know. I have lots of friends like those.

You wanna know why I made that blog entry about Love FTI? I'll tell you why. Because I miss my old life. I miss my friends in the US. They remind me of my real home. That's why. And don't think too highly of yourself. You don't know anything.

You wanna know why I went on a 2-week hiatus? Because I got mad and jealous. Plus I was fucking dying. That's why. My heart was fucking failing on me because I decided not to go back when I needed to. Because I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to loose you. I fucking left because my health needed attention and I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I don't want your pity.

Now, it doesn't matter anymore does it?
I'm not mad.
I'm just frustrated.
Because I can't get through your pride and stupidity.
I thought you actually understood me.
Hahahaha.
I assumed too much.


And so you know, I never liked YehSung.
never did and never will.


You disappoint me. Both of you.
You even agreed to meet with me recently.
You should have just stabbed me in the front instead of the back.
That way, I would have understood.
But now, I see that you're just like her.

Thanks.
For making me realize
and for making me see,
that I should NEVER trust people again.

running away

기억하고
싶지 않다는건

기억하고
있다는 거잖아요.

What is...
love? hope? redemption? ignorance? friendship? trust? faith? regret?

Yeah, you might tell me, go check the dictionary doofus. but can you really define an emotion so technical? I ask these questions not because I want answers or I don't know the answers. I ask them because do we people really know what it feels like? Do we really know what these words mean?

I don't. I haven't completely felt it yet. have you? of course you don't want to but you have to. hahaha. does it seem easy for me to talk about this subject? It does doesn't it? Do I want to talk about this topic?

Maybe.



Maybe not.






last question.

how about numb? do you know what it means?

Main Entry: numb

Pronunciation: \ˈnəm\

Function: adjective

1 : devoid of sensation especially as a result of cold or anesthesia
2 : devoid of emotion : indifferent

that's numb for you.



so what does that become of indifferent?

funny really.
I dunno what to say.
just. wow.
life changing.
ahahaha.
I dunno how to feel.
hahaha

......


still, XDDDD
I'm just going to laugh.

mood: tired and sleepy
Listening to: Suju's incoherent babblings

I still have the Pops in Seoul in Manila hangover seriously. gah. I feel so happy and tired, still. Yesterday I only had 2 classes and I got to leave early on the second class to hang with Ekah, May and Mommy Chi but still very tired. =___=

I guess it really is the PIS hangover. hahaha. Since eleven asked me to post the pics of me with Evan, I'll do that with the story that goes along with the picture. I'll also post isak's pic with me. love love~

lalala~ pic with isak is love~ this was the second time I asked for her autographs. yes, with an S. lol. I asked her to sign 5 for me for a couple of friends then we took pics~ lol. the first time I asked for her autograph was funny. We had the chance to ask for autographs and she was signing a bunch of papers then said they were for us. But I asked her to sign my shirt instead and she laughed but she did sign it. I also asked her to write my name. ahahaha. I was the first one who did. Isak is <333~

EVAN! wah. wah! I died! I was in line waiting for evan by the bus but I went back to Isak to get those 5 autographs and when I came back, I was just on time! Nixxie was getting hers signed. And then, it was my turn! he signed my shirt and I asked if we can take a pic together and we did!!!! Then I made the peace sign and he laughed then made one too~ so there, he's smiling and he has the peace sign up~ <333 love love~~~ I love love Nixxie for the picture~

yes, hangover.
now I shall do my thesis proposal. x___x;;

more pictures on my multiply account. ^^

Mood: Happy but tired
Listening to: Sukira XD

Wah. OMG PIS. ALOT happened.

Arrived there at 10 AM because it was assembly time for the ushers. and I'm an usher. yeah. Luckily Nixxie was there so I know someone. So, Nixxie and I were together most of the time. Fixing tables and chairs and posters.

When we had lunch, OMFG, Isak and Evan came in the venue. and we all went out and spazzed like omfg. wah wah. We even heard and watched their rehearsals. ROFL. I took pics. 8D I'm super super happy.

The event was tiring but it was fulfilling. Having access like that. talking to Isak and taking pics of Evan. omg. It felt soooo nice. I loved it.

The after event was kewl. We shot the last part of the episode for the pops in seoul show. Then we had an autograph session with Isak then with Evan. OMFG I feel so lucky coz I was the first one who asked for isak's autograph on my shirt. I even asked her to write my name. XDD then everyone followed. roflmao. Then we also asked autographs from Evan who we even waited for at the bus. But I got to take pics with the both of them *0*

wah wah wah! Summary of events but yeah those are my best parts sa event.

Mood: Sleepy
Listening to: InHyung - Eeteuk & YehSung

So, apparently, I'm in school early with no first class. Yeah, great. This is just awesome.

Anyway, I haven't had much sleep. I've been watching My MVP Valentine c/o Ekah. hahaha. I miss the series badly so I borrowed it from her, even if it is tagalog dubbed. I'll manage. roflmao. Gah. I seriously need sleep. Maybe after PIS I can sleep the whole day. =___=

Gah. I dunno what to rant about. or maybe I dunno where to start. Pops in Seoul event in 2 days. I dunno if I'm excited or if I'm nervous. Somewhere in between that's for sure. I've been spending alot for the event and doing lots for it too. Thanks to CassPH and ArirangTownPH for making our dreams happen. I never even dreamed of seeing Evan Yoo.

Sigh. Stress. eating me. People are noticing that I'm getting thin. and my eyebags grew eyebags. =___= thesis and PIS are not good combinations.

I wanna sleep.
I'mma sleep later during lunch break. =___=

and, red days started.
tss.
life sucks.